I really like this poem type thing. idk why... 1-25-10

I walked outside today
The white snow traveling along it's journey onto the weathered ground
I stood.
I stared.
I peaked over the edge of the building contemplating the importance of life
The positives of death
I stood.
I stared.
My trembling hands lighting the one thing that makes me feel something besides pain
inhale. exhale.
I stare off into the distance believing that love won't come my way again
Thinking love has given me a chance and I managed a way to fuck it all up
I stood.
I stared.
My slow paced step led me back to my house.
The sanctuary for most. A torture chamber for me.
White.
Why is snow white?
Why must you see it so visibly even to the naked eye
It's bright; it shows hope.
Its a lie.
It illuminates the problems us humans don't want to figure out.
It shares it's color with a few from nature
but red.
Red is a color that is rarely known to be visioned with snow
The blood that drips down from my wrist.
It leaves marks. Memories. Hope.
I can't help but think love is not real
That it's a figment of my imagination in which I created in order to help myself through life
Snow deomnstrates that for me.
It illuminates the pain that has come my way and the hope that I have lost from it all
I stood.
I stared.
I cried.
After a while
It's come to known,
everyone must come inside.