Saturday, January 15, 2011

memory thats been stuck in my head recently..

This is kind of just a personal emotional rant of goodbyes. enjoy if you would like.

8th Grade.
I had known for a while that this day was going to happen, I knew a divorce meant seperate households but I continued to block the image out of my head. It was 8 am on a Saturday morning, it wascompletely rare to find me concious at this hour except for today. I sat on my bed, legs hanging off the edge,sitting completely still and staring at the floor beneath me.
I heard the rustling of belts and the sound of luggages being zipped up from across the hall. My door remained closed. After about an hour, the sound started to become less frequent until there was no sound to be heard at all.
I slowly lifted my head up once silence had become my sound field. I heard a light knock on my door and stared at it for a second before pulling myself up to answer it.
My dad was standing at the door with his old coat on and his bags lined up behind him.
"Can I come in and talk to you for a bit?" I nodded my head and proceeded to walk back towards my bed. He stood at the edge of my bed and he looked down and said, "I know things will be hard with just you and your mom but you need to be strong. Just because i'm not here doesn't mean that i'm completely out of your life." I looked up and saw my dads eyes produce the smallest, but most meaningful tear I have ever seen.
Out of the 13 years that I had known my dad, i had never once seem him sad or shed a tear. I looked up and just stared. I will admit that I do regret this to this day but I can't change things now.
"you're abandoning me. get out" i said, whispering in a trembled voice. I saw him start tearing some more before he just turned around and shut the door. I heard the rustling of the bags going down the stairs until I was back to what I was scared of, the silence.