Thursday, June 16, 2011

Love Yourself Tattoo. 6/16/11

This is my newest tattoo, it's on my right wrist. I thought i'd share just a small story-type relfection and description of it.

It started in 6th grade. It was winter and I was locked outside of the house for failing my most recent history test. I continued to knock on my back porch window, hoping that someone, anyone, would be kind enough to let me in. My hopes were soon to be killed when I saw all the lights in the house turn off.

I brushed off the snow from one of the benches and proceeded to lay down and found myself to be sobbing from the coldness of the harsh Chicago winter. This was the first time that I recall that I truly felt, worthless. I felt that I didn't belong on this planet and that I wasn't ever going to be good enough for anyone.

I found a piece of broken glass that was broken off from a flower pot that was broken earlier in the day. I started examining the piece, the riggid edges and how they were sharp to the touch.

That's the first time I ever self harmed. I did a couple of cuts and immediatley started thinking about the pain from the outside. It made me briefly forget the pain from the inside and how emotionally hurt I was. I was addicted to the feeling of killing my emotional pain and that's how it started.

Ever since then, i've had a self harm addiction and I found myself to feel worthless a lot. At my worst times, i'd harm myself up to 3 times a day, for weeks straight. I have scars on my wrists, arms, stomach, legs, wrists, and thighs.

I decided to get this tattoo to try to save me and my body. It says, "Love Yourself" and it's a reminder to me that I should be loved and I should love my body. I shouldn't hurt it or hurt myself in any way. I put it on my right wrist because that is usually the hand I cut with, so everytime i'm feeling down and i'm about to cut- I can see my own message to myself.

Hopefully i'm on my road to recovery.