Saturday, July 9, 2011


People constantly tell me that i'm really strong and that I handle things really well but I can't even begin to think that's the truth. Recently, i've found myself more prone to panic attacks and mental breakdowns. They've gotten to the point where i've stopped breathing and i've asked for help and people ignore me.

It's truly difficult to understand why I constantly have to feel like this or why can't I be a, "normal person"? I look at my peers, my friends, and people who surround me everyday and they are living their lives wonderfully. Some peoples biggest problems are that they miss college and want to go back. I wish that was my biggest problem and that I didn't have to be engulfed in this mess.

I'm not going back to university next year because I don't think it's very safe for me. I'm not stable and I don't know how i'll react in certain situations. I haven't told my family yet and I know they won't understand or even accept the reasoning i'm giving but i'm almost 19 years old and I know whats best for me. I'm going to a smaller community college close to my house and then transferring to a real college from there.

People think i'm just too unintelligent for a real college or that I can't "handle" things very well but in truth, no one really understands the struggles I have to overcome everyday.

It's been 19 years and i'm still waiting for things to get better. I really need them too.