5/19/2011

It seems as if my depression and bipolar are beginning to take over me. I feel like i'm in this world for no purpose and i'm beginning to think everyone around me doesn't really care if i'll stay or not.

I got help in Feb. 2011 for my self harm addiction and I was finding myself to become better and really stop my self harm. The last time that I purposeley hurt myself was in mid- march. That's about 2 months of no self harm. That's the longest i've gone since 8th grade.

Today, I found myself in a spiral of depression, watching it get worse and worse until an event triggered everything. I went back to my old habits and it killed me that I would do this to myself again. I knew I was gaining strength back but I guess i'm just never going to be strong enough...

5/4/11

It's my last week at university. It's mindblowing that I even survived this year. People call me weak for this year, I think i'm strong. I was hospitalized for suicide attempt and I can honestly say, it's one of the biggest events that has made me a stronger person.

At that moment, I truly realized what I deserve and what I don't deserve. I will admit to the fact that trying to take your own life is not the best way in order to learn this lesson, but it will definitley work. I'm enjoying life currently. I'm learning how to live and slowly how to love again. My trust is shattered, my self confidence at extreme lows, and my motivation at none, but i'm truly struggling to make all of this to work.

I hope every single one of you know that you're special. Don't ever think that you're worthless or not loved. You could be someone's everything without even knowing it.

Much love guys <3